Quotations
Famous Quotations
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes
«My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«Pickles are cucumbers that sold out.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a back flip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«My friend was walking down the street and he said, I hear music. As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what?!, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what?!, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what?!, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away!!!!»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow sh*t.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«?S*** or get off the pot.?»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«I like to close my eyes on the stage, because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«I got a robe. It's not a robe, really, it's just a towel that fits me.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«I drank some boiling water... because I wanted to whistle.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)