Alton Towers

Getting to Alton Towers from the M6 is a bit like going on a big dipper--it feels interminable, and leaves you feeling shaken. "Clearly signposted from both the M1 and the M6" says the brochure. But it doesn't tell you that it takes over an hour through Staffordshire countryside, which isn't much fun in the pouring rain. You can't blame Alton Towers for the weather. But the British climate certainly won't help it to compete …

…is the kindest description of Alton Tower's County Council joint initiative compared to Disney's mega marketing bucks. But if Alton Towers can't compete with Disney, its efforts to defend itself from the worst of the onslaught should at least succeed in getting it into shape. Like Frank Bruno it will never hurt the best in the business, but a few rounds with the champion should equip it to make some impressive knockouts on home ground.