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How to be Annoying

Date Submitted: 04/17/2003 18:54:55
Category: / Literature / English
Length: 3 pages (890 words)
How to be Annoying Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". Drum on every available surface. Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Ask 800 operators for dates. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy …
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…Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy". Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend". Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles". Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket." Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
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